If I ever meet a brand-new rock band, I will name it Cognitive Dissonance. But will not tell anybody else what I have done. I’ll just print flyers, and sneak into their garage, and stuff their guitar cases and backpacks.

I will visit their dorm rooms and post the flyers on their mini-fridges and bathroom mirrors. I will text message them, congratulating them. I will hand out flyers to their friends, and they will begin text-messaging the band.

And when each band member sees the flyers posted everywhere, and gets our casual IMs, he will mentally scratch his cerebral cortex and think, ‘Dude, did I even agree to that name? I must have ... it’s the only thing that makes sense ... yeah. Good name.’