View Suburban Amish
Introduction
When the gasoline crisis inevitably came, suburbanites adapted to the lifestyle of their ancestors with surprising ease; across the land, horse-drawn SUVs carry children to soccer games, where mothers set up quilting bees on the sidelines, while the menfolk meet to hold carport-raising parties.
Food-gathering
Distinctive in their severe black Old Navy garb, Suburban Amish keep to themselves as they quietly gather foodstuffs at the local Whole Foods Market, raising their heads only to smile shyly at the checkout clerks and proffer Martha Stewart canvas tote bags for renewable grocery handling.
On Saturdays, the Suburban Amish take leisurely walks through the alleys behind the homes of friends and neighbors, picking oranges, cherries and peaches off the trees that overhang the fences; for this reason, these gentle folk are commonly mistaken for white trash.
Recycling
Though the Suburban Amish are a thrifty people who religiously take their soda cans to the local recycling center for a return on their deposit, they never scrounge for aluminum from dumpsters or garbage bins, as they prefer not to be linked to the more fanatical Urban Shaker sects.
Conclusion
The Suburban Amish are fairly content with their simple, technology-minimized lives. Some, however, when interviewed, do express the wish that they hadn’t been brought up to be so squeamish about catching their own dinners, as they watch squirrels and jays cavort in their Japanese maple trees.