Scrine Wiki http://www.scrine.com/wiki/ Scrine Wiki en keith@scrine.com Copyright 2006 2010-03-17T06:40:54+00:00 OhNo789 http://www.scrine.com/wiki/OhNo789/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/OhNo789/ OhNo789 (1991 - Present) is a hell raiser, and member of Chicago’s infamous scooter gang, “Say Your Vespers.” His mother, Cherie, and father, Christopher, immigrated from Sealand in 1989 because they were ‘looking for something bigger,’ and they found it in the form of a 12 pound child two years later. Known to his friends as “‘789,” and to his enemies simply as “oh no!” his name derives from the classic joke: “Why was six afraid of seven?” which has, in recent years, become his trademark saying.

Though at first glance OhNo789 might appear as a hard-edged individual, if one were to read any of his scrines, they would realize that he is, by no means, free of remorse, and that a softer, kinder side lingers around the razor sharp corners of his personality. Oftentimes you can find him conversing with a couple of his closest friends, a laid back mouse, the letter e and an australian boot among others.

Among Scriners, OhNo789 is best known for winning the “Best Use of Mathematics in a Sentence” award in 2008, and his infallible pickup lines which always leave the ladies wanting more and loves that you can write your own wiki entry and no will argue with you for months.

He is also a damn fine poet. (boot)

1991!!!  I have underwear older than that (‘mouse) 

Woah!  I thought that referred to his membership as a hell raiser, not a date of birth.  Surely not. (boot)

I believe that I’m more intact than your underwear. (789)

Category:Scriner
Category:Ladies Men

]]> OhNo789 2010-03-17T06:40:54+00:00 cat tax returns http://www.scrine.com/wiki/cat-tax-returns/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/cat-tax-returns/ As is well known, while humans are unable to file tax returns that claim cats as dependants, cats have long been able to claim humans.

In fact, in most countries, cats were the harbingers of the modern taxation system, understanding full well the interdependent relationship between dogs and humans, dogs and cats, and, of course, the way one dependency of humans on cats.

For more on cats and taxation, see F.C. Archer’s seminal work Tax In Boots: The Story of Taxation and Cats.

Category:Taxation
Category:Animals -> Cats
Category:True Dinkum

]]> cat tax returns 2010-03-17T00:33:38+00:00 Platypus Venom http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Platypus-Venom/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Platypus-Venom/ Early one Tuesday morning, before anyone else was awake, the paperboy rummaged through God’s trash, looking for anything interesting that he might piece together for a bit of fun.  He assembled the platypus out of various spare parts from reptiles, birds and mammals.  Strangely, the male platypus ended up with a small venomous spur in each humanlike armpit.  It is the only animal in the universe with such a feature.

]]> Platypus Venom 2010-02-13T01:27:23+00:00 You can call me Sir http://www.scrine.com/wiki/You-can-call-me-Sir/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/You-can-call-me-Sir/ Conceived in the backseat of an El Camino, the individual to whom this tedious little phrase is attached has been roaming and commenting on the sites of unsuspecting bloggers for purt near a decade now (tarnation!) .  The story behind the name involves a former subordinate getting lippy, which resulted in the suggestion that for the rest of their time together, the aforementioned individual could ... y’know.  Of course, this was only said in jest.  The subordinate was later found unconscious and bloody with a note pinned to his chest that read, ‘Infinitive splitter’.  Everyone’s grammar improved immediately.

He’s been asked repeatedly by both himself and others to start his own blog and would love to were it not for cancer needing to be cured and puppies needing to be saved from burning tires and babies needing to be birthed.  Borned?  Whatever.  Were it not for the glorious outlet of pent-up wordsmithing that Scrine provides, surely the blood of the innocent would have long ago been spilled by this person’s hands. 

Scrine:  Saving lives since sometime last year.  (Keith, feel free to use this as Scrine’s browser title until the patent becomes official.)

Update:  Having started his own blog lo in the summer of ‘08, while simultaneously continuing to contribute to Scrine, the blood of the innocent has continued to flow like the mighty Nile, so apparently one had nothing to do with the other. 

Categories:Scriner
Categories:Great Liars

]]> You can call me Sir 2009-12-20T01:52:35+00:00 Tannenbaum http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Tannenbaum/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Tannenbaum/ Sticking with the German theme, the popular Christmas tune ‘O Tannenbaum’ has long been associated with paying homage to a tree cut down in the prime of its life so that hairless apes might hang shiny balls and confetti on its limbs in order to what?  Hell, I don’t know.  Please the gods, maybe? 

Anyhow.

The real translation comes out as ‘‘small person throw’, which means that every time this song is sung, it’s extolling the virtues of midget tossing.  This justifies my cackling like a hyena every time I’ve attended an elementary school Christmas choral concert when the 5th graders started singing this song.  ‘It’s about midgets!’, I’d yell, while waving my brown paper bag curiously shaped like a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 (grape, of course), and the parents would get so upset.  The truth hurts, I guess.  Or maybe they all had relatives who were ‘little people’.  It’s hard to say.  Where was I?  Right, right.

So, yeah.  Tannenbaum = midget tossing.  You heard it here first.

Categories:Midgets
Categories:Human Projectiles
Categories:Christmas
Categories:Hyenas

]]> Tannenbaum 2009-12-20T01:44:20+00:00 Das Boot http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Das-Boot/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Das-Boot/ The German version of our esteemed Scrine colleague who hails from down under (not a euphemism).  It’s rumored that the German Boot runs a lovely little tea shop in Nuremberg where instead of serving the tea, she fills the pot with boiling water, then dramatically heaves it at the customer while screaming nationalistic whatnot involving the words ‘ZEIG’ and ‘KAMPF’ and the phrase ‘UBER ALLES’.  Hers is a very popular hangout for the more right-wing flavored Deutschlander.  These are the same people that punch each other in the face while listening to bands like Ramstein and set up fan web sites for Norwegian black metal groups that enjoy singing about corpse rape.  Kids these days!

Das Boot was also a genuinely outstanding German film about the cost of war inherent in its ultimate futility, but that’s a little too deep (IT’S A SUBMARINE MOVIE!  GET IT?!?  DEEP!?!?!  HA!!!) for this wiki.

Category:Nazis
Category:Norwegian Death Metal
Category:Navies of the World

]]> Das Boot 2009-12-20T01:28:00+00:00 carrot http://www.scrine.com/wiki/carrot/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/carrot/ Carrot hails from the sixteenth-largest city in the United States but currently resides in America’s Dairyland in order to pursue dreams of higher education, cheese, and beer (although not necessarily in that order).  Many suspect that, instead of blood, her veins carry enchilada sauce.  Her hobbies include complaining and whining.

mmmm, cheese.  [boot]  Amen. [‘mouse]
mmmm, beer.  mmmm, enchilada sauce.  [‘mouse]

Category:Scriner

]]> carrot 2009-11-24T05:15:43+00:00 Ancho Tomatillo Salsa http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Ancho-Tomatillo-Salsa/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Ancho-Tomatillo-Salsa/ A staple for carrot.

Make when it’s sunny and you’re happy, or when it’s winter and you’re far from home. 

Assemble:
-Lots of tomatillos.  They’re ready for picking when the tomatillo fills out its husk, but is still green.  When they start to turn yellowy-white, they’re going to start getting bland and mushy.  Be picky!  Nice tart green ones make the best salsa.
-Dried ancho chiles.
-A bunch of cilantro.  (Note: I have many friends who don’t like cilantro but love this salsa.  So, cilantro-haters, just suck it up and include the cilantro.)
-White onion.  (Use red if you like; use sweet onion if you’re wussy.)
-Lots of garlic.
-A few limes.
-A few serrano peppers (optional)
-Cumin
-Chili powder
-Cayenne powder
-Salt
-Fresh black pepper

Let’s get down to business.

1.  Husk the tomatillos.  They’ll be sticky.  You can lightly scrub them under warm water to make the stickiness disappear, or you can just skip that step.  Throw them in a pot of water and boil them until their color turns.  They should be tender, or even mushy.

2.  Throw a few anchos into a glass bowl.  Pour some of the tomatillo water in and let them soak.

3.  Drain tomatillos and throw into blender.

4.  Chunk up onion, cilantro, and garlic; blend with tomatillos.  Squeeze limes into sauce.  If you want a spicy salsa, deseed the serranos and blend them in too.

5.  Add a big dash of cumin, chili powder, and cayenne.  Grind in some black pepper, and throw in a little salt.  At this point, the salsa should taste like a pretty decent salsa verde.

6.  Pull the anchos out of the water—they should be flexible and easy to tear.  Pull out the stem and seeds, and add to the blender.

7.  Hit blend and watch the swirl as your salsa turns from green to a dark, rich red.

—You can use this salsa for enchiladas, or just for eating on tortilla chips.  As a vegetarian, I think it pairs well with spinach-mushroom-cheese enchiladas.  I also eat it with a spoon.  I try to make it in large batches—it keeps well, but it never lasts long.

]]> Ancho Tomatillo Salsa 2009-11-24T05:13:55+00:00 Love Baseball http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Love-Baseball/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Love-Baseball/ Back in the days of the dinosaurs when I grew up, I learned the following:

First Base - holding hands; kissing (no tongues)
Second Base - touching, through the clothes; french kissing
Third base - touching/fingering under the clothes; clothes off (barely) / skin-to-skin
Home - all-the-way

Nowadays [2009], Urban Dictionary informs me it’s:

First Base - French kissing
Second - fingering/hand-jobs
Third - Oral sex (and anal if desperate)
Home - ... [My thoughts:  If you’re having anal sex with someone and still using baseball analogies, grow up, sheesh.]

]]> Love Baseball 2009-10-22T22:43:50+00:00 Good Grief http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Good-Grief/ http://www.scrine.com/wiki/Good-Grief/ Some days that’s all that can be said.

]]> Good Grief 2009-09-12T22:08:24+00:00