’Mouse wasn’t sure which amazed him more, that he had thought to wonder out loud on Scrine whether or not cunnilingus could transmit a cold virus, that he’d spelled it right on the first attempt, or that Word’s spellchecker actually purred slightly in approval as he ran the word through it.
TAGS: sex, cunnilingusThey say that the normal teenage male averages one thought about sex every 17 seconds; I know I’m getting old because sometimes I go 45 seconds or even a minute between such thoughts.
TAGS: aging, sex, old, teensThe dominatrix training started with baby steps - today it was slapping people upside the head but tomorrow - tomorrow they got whips!
TAGS: sex, fetish, whips, dominatrixEvery time his his friends mentioned eating any type of Asian food, Gerald always interrupted, “What’s the biggest problem with making love to an Asian?” much to his friends’ amusement - not.
TAGS: love, food, friend, sex, asian, problem“Oh, baby, enlighten me… enlighten me harder… make me think real hard—that’s it, I’m thinking!, I’m thinking!…I’m…!”
TAGS: baby, sex, enlightenment, double entendreEarly research into the new brain-wasting disease (which scientists suspect may be a variant of mad cow disease) indicates it only seems to to affect Republican politicians, striking first in the portion of the brain which causes most people to refrain from seeking gay sex with strangers in public restrooms.
TAGS: sex, brains, politics, homosexuality, researchSometimes the neighbor next door will wake me up at 3 a.m. to tell me her boyfriend’s name is “Oh Joe, Oh Joe, Oh Joe,” although this morning, I’m betting she just calls him plain ol’ Joe.
TAGS: sex, overheardThe first time she experienced cunnilingus, Rhonda thought this guy is trying to impress me.
TAGS: sex, cunnilingus, impressAfter only one night Brent’s wife prefered his replica to the orginal model especially the rotating parts with variable speed and how he always vacummed the house after sex.
TAGS: sex, vacuum, life like replicasSex is, indeed, the perfect Thanksgiving desert but from this side of the door it sounds like two whoopie cushions making love.
“Kinsey noted that the length of time over which the erection can be maintained under “continuous erotic arousal” drops from an average of nearly an hour in the late teens and early twenties to seven minutes in men in their late sixties.”
TAGS: sex, erotica, statistics, arousal, erections, kinsey“Anyway one figure that will do for a starter is the fifteen hours recorded by Mae West in her autobiography - a man called ‘Ted’ apparently made love to her for this length of time: He later said that ‘he was both astounded and pleased at his own abilities.’”
TAGS: sex, mae westRufus and my friend Schuster both agreed it was ethically responsible of the world to fight for a Middle Eastern woman’s right to wear a short skirt, and when I tried to point out that I thought their discussion had jumped the tracks somewhere, and seemed to just be about sex, again, Schuster’s rebuttal was that all men’s discussions were “technically” about sex in some shape or form, a point which Rufus wholeheartedly agreed with.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, sex, ethics“I find Hillary Clinton kind of hot,” slurred Larry, continuing the thought way too far, “For her, I’d put on a blue dress and crawl under her desk any time.”
TAGS: sex, disturbing images, hillary clinton, Ann CoulterRufus says he’s glad he’s not a dog, but my friend Schuster told him he’s wrong, because given the 7 to 1 time ratio, if he could get away with humping the neighbor’s leg for only ten seconds, it’d be like having sex with her for more than a full minute; this was a perspective, Rufus admitted, that he hadn’t considered.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, aging, sex, dog years, humpingCarl would often stare at coworker’s breasts for hours at a time, yet because of his dysexlexia, often confused one breast for the other.
TAGS: carl, sex, dyslexiaIt is my theory that when you turn out the lights and lock your doors and leave your domicile, all of your stuff gets together and has sex and reproduces like rabbits; this is the only possible rational explanation for why I have so much stuff.
TAGS: sex, rational, moving is hellHeartbreak, sex is thy name!
TAGS: sex, disappointment, heartbreakRufus thinks that maybe he should be more careful about downloading music, but my friend Schuster told him not to worry because eventually everyone would realize that music was just like sex, and that paying for it was fine as long as you didn’t make it a habit.
TAGS: Rufus & Schuster, music, sex, ethics, pop-ethics
The chief remained straight-faced as 85 year old Doris complained about the squeaking bed of her young, upstairs neighbors, which began around midnight and didn’t let up until around 5 a.m.; “I don’t know what they could be up to jumping in and out of bed like that,” Doris complained, “but I suppose playing cards or something.”
TAGS: sex, the chief, squeaking, straight-faced