Sneaking up on an egret is always tough work, and it will take a diligent nature enthusiast many attempts before he has plucked enough feathers for a decent hat.
TAGS: animals, hats, advice, feathers, ridiculous encounters, nature, pna series, diligence, egretThe last known sighting of a dunkleosteus in Ohio occurred in 1953 just outside of Sandusky, when the mayor, attempting to present the beast with the key to the city, instead ended up donating his arm, the state fire marshall, three lamp posts, half of the local high school band (mostly tubas and trombones), and a very nice derby hat, which in the mayor’s surprise turn of events, fell off of his head and rolled into Lake Erie.
TAGS: hats, ridiculous encounters, dinosaurs, mayor, tuba, trombone, lake erie, derbyEvery morning at six, the monkey clipped on his bow tie, tucked the newspaper under his arm, then walked the short distance to Mr. Plinkson’s office for their customary cup of juice, chilled banana slices, and brief discussion of world affairs.
TAGS: monkey, ridiculous encounters, bow tie, mr. plinksonIn the rare case that one is lucky enough to find employment with a company that does keep a goat, the employee will often find that the mandated training regarding proper use of the milking stool, as well as the extensive documentation that must be read, usually during one’s personal time, is overwhelming, causing most employees to either avoid the goat whenever possible, especially during breaks or lunch hours, or in some cases, even attempt to pretend that the goat simply does not exist.
TAGS: animals, ridiculous encounters, goats, government interventionWhat we had was great but I’d rather sleep with Marie Osmond!
TAGS: ridiculous encounters, disturbing images, marie osmond, Ann CoulterIf an IRS accountant has an extra appendage, such as an arm or an extra thumb, make no mention of it unless the abnormality is used in their line of work, such as in the operation of a calculator or stapler.
TAGS: ridiculous encounters, arms, abnormality, thumbsApplying a type of accounting leverage I hadn’t thought existed, the auditor bent me over her knee and squeezed until several pennies popped from my butt and landed on the desk; “That was different,” I told her, to which she replied, “No, that was a start,” and gave me another squeeze.
TAGS: work, accountant, ridiculous encounters, butt, leveragePaul Volcker, the now retired Federal Reserve Board Chairman, once gave me a two dollar tip for delivering breakfast to his hotel room; if I remember correctly, he searched for quite some time for the slot in my head, thinking I was some sort of bank.
TAGS: head, bank, ridiculous encounters, paul volckerTo my great surprise Will Smith and Charlize Theron seem to be in our building today; luckily I am usually a bumbling idiot so it hasn’t affected my work.
TAGS: ridiculous encountersAt first Sally thought her husband had turned into some sort of planet, and that the pumpkin pies orbiting his stomach had become a cluster of delicious, homemade moons, but when she noticed the orbits of the pies begin to deteriorate, and the way Carl’s mouth began to flex, she knew it was something much worse.
TAGS: holidays, ridiculous encounters, thanksgiving, pies“I don’t need no stinking Poe to know crows want to peck out my eyes,” Rufus said, and without any further explanation, informed Schuster that he was quitting the Sunday morning book club, which Schuster and I agreed was overreacting, even if Schuster’s pet crow had gone too far with the reenactment.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, ridiculous encounters, poe, crows, edgar allen poe, peck, book club, reenactmentsRufus claimed it wasn’t bad etiquette to make guttural noises while on the toilet, especially if you had bad gas, but my friend Schuster vehemently disagreed and told Rufus that as soon as he finished washing his hair he was getting out of the shower to kill him.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, etiquette, ridiculous encounters, murderous intentionsRufus thinks that if a walrus was able to get into a bookstore, the last thing on its mind would be poetry, but my friend Schuster disagrees, saying that he can think of no other reason at all a walrus would be in a bookstore holding note cards, but finds himself growing increasingly angry that those rat bastard police have to show up just when things are getting good.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, poetry, bookstore, ridiculous encounters, walrusThe only bare knuckle fist fight between two astronomers occurred in 1920 when Harlow Shapley and Heber Curtis went 46 rounds because of Curtis’ position that the Great Andromeda Nebula was an external galaxy; Edwin Hubble, who witnessed the entire fight, later told reporters that neither scientist was a very good fighter, and that their weak punches reminded him of watching comets plug slowly across a night sky.
TAGS: ridiculous encounters, astonomy, fisticuffs, hubbleSchrödinger’s cat argued with Einstein about the nature of justice saying that in our legal system it’s not about the truth but about the plausibility of one story over another, but although Einstein appreciated the cat’s logic – possibly even agreeing - he still refused to lend him the bail money.
TAGS: einstein, ridiculous encounters, justice, legal system, bail bonds, schrodinger's catAlthough Mr. Plinkson was not impressed with the monkey’s new cellphone, he did find several of the ringtones more soothing than those typically chosen by his human coworkers.
TAGS: monkey, ridiculous encounters, cellphones, mr. plinkson, ringtones, soothingEven though the equation clearly disproved his own existence, the duck remained in front of the blackboard with the chalk gripped firmly in his bill (almost defiantly, some students in the classroom thought) right up until the moment his own arrogance caught up with him, he smiled, and the chalk slipped from his bill and lodged somewhere in his windpipe.
TAGS: ducks, ridiculous encounters, blackboards, chalk, arrogance, classrooms, windpipe, defiance, quantum physics, chokingIt was a grand plan—stay up late into the night making mad passionate love to a pad of paper and his long missing muse—but somehow everything went awry when his house giraffe, working that long, blue tongue of his for what must have been hours, managed to loosen the lid on the jar of tryptophan wine that he’d thought he’d stored safely away, high upon the shelf above his desk.
TAGS: animals, giraffes, ridiculous encounters, muses, tryptophan