As yet another shop assistant got what she wanted wrong, behaved as if she was an inconvenience to their loafing, charged her the wrong amount and gave her the wrong change, Miss Jane grumped to herself “yep, sunny-jim, if I ever go postal, you’ll be the first to go”.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, grumpy, before the mayhemThank you for holding, one of our operators will be with you shortly.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, oh-oh, on-hold, tele-marketersAs she returned the icepick to her handbag, Miss Jane thought to herself “yeah, so what does that mean, that I look like the bottom of someone’s shoe on other days?”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, icepick, ill-advised“Sorry about the blood on your jacket, but again, no, this hat is not for Melbourne Cup Day, it’s for keeping the burning sun off of my head.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, hats, polite violence, blood, burning sun, impertinentMiss Jane wiped her hands down her skirt as she stepped away from the body, thinking to herself “Well, if you hadn’t got into the damn lift, chatting to your damn friend, holding open the doors and holding us all up, all the while carrying an infernal American-chain-we-don’t-have-spoons-or-cups takeaway paper recepticle of so-called-coffee, I wouldn’t have had to do that.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, coffee, chain-stores, spoons, infernal, necessaryThe perky young woman paused mid-sentence in her rather loud mobile phone conversation about insurance quotes, feeling that something very unpleasant and, indeed, sharp was about to happen to her.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, manners, just not cricket, unpleasant, sharp, mobile phonesMiss Jane whirled about suddenly, spraying blood as she went, and shouted “alright you bastards, you will leave me, my family, my friends and their family alone, or it’s a pickaxe to the head for you!”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, death, bastards, pickaxe, unfairness, sprayingThe flamethrower glowed red and white as it sprayed mayhem and pain across the row of cubicles and Miss Jane screamed defiantly into the rampaging fire “NO, I don’t mind being your admin girl, I hope you appreciate my technique!”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, cubicles, mayhem, indignant, old ways, screaming, technique, rampagingThe graceful creature sauntered away from the incandescent pyre, seemingly oblivious to the sounds of screams and sirens.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, saunter, incandescent, pyre“Ah, I see”, said Miss Jane as she stepped gingerly over the fifth such body, “what you’re saying is, when you undertake a consultation process, you’re actually just trying to ignore me as hard as possible until I go away” …. “it appears I have dealt with this problem for you.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, consultation, problems, process, ignore this, solutionsMiss Jane stalked the low-lit streets, draped in stained and bloody clothes, ranting “retribution for the innocent and fallen” to herself, knowing that this time she would find Lady Luck and she would make her pay.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, blood, bastards, retribution, stalking, pay, lady luck“While I would agree with you that berating other passengers and behaving in a generally abusive and irritating manner certainly does not warrant such a violent response on my part”, said Miss Jane as she paused to wipe the lumps from her bat, “I would have to say that it is unfortunate for you that I am not generally considered to be a reasonable person in these matters.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, commuting, manners, lumps, unreasonable“Well, if we all get trapped in this lift I hope you have enough coffee to share around” said the jovial gentleman, and Miss Jane slid the long, sharp knife out of her handbag and grinned at the gentlemen as the visions of blood filled her eyes.
TAGS: Miss Jane, coffee, polite violence, jocularity, think twice, knivesA young Miss Jane watched from under a desk as the angry, blood-splattered man sprayed bullets into the air and yelled “I told you when I finally lost it, that you would be the first to go!”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, blood, bullets, growing up, interesting, splatterThe elegant but enraged woman lined up the grey, bitter and utterly soulless entities against the wall and smiled unnervingly as she slowly unveiled her first implement of mayhem and blood.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, blood, banality, mayhem, economists, soullessAs the Prime Minister was introduced to Boot he proffered his hand in greeting, and Boot glared angrily at those horrible fingers and began her vociferous tirade.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, fingers, vociferous, prime minister, tiradeAs Miss Jane rested her bat gently against the organic vegetable stand, she rather quietly said “I thought it might be nice to give you something to fear other than germs.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, threats, germs, organicMiss Jane wiped the splatters of blood and carvings of pumpkin from her broadsword, and, lifting the madwoman’s head from the ground, she looked into her dull eyes and said “I promised another that I would end your pain, so I hope you can consider this a civic duty.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, blood, head, justice, halloween, civic duty, pumpkinAs she passed each chain-everything’s-the-damn-same-store, her anger increased as rapidly as the once loved quirky corner mutated into yet another any-street-any-town, until suddenly Miss Jane and her flamethrower stepped forward, took control and began the burning.
TAGS: Miss Jane, coffee, polite violence, chain-stores, banality, flamethrower, burningMiss Jane was thoughtful enough to turn off the flamethrower in between each machine-stamped store, this was a delicate situation and, unusually, innocent bystanders would not be appropriate.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, chain-stores, flamethrower, delicate