There are several different variants on the bump ‘n’ shuffle (you know the one, you’re walking along a busy street and someone gets in your way; you step sideways, they step sideways in the same direction, you both look up and, depending on the mood, you may go “hrumph” and grumble away or you might both laugh briefly and move on), anyway, today I had a new variant on the same theme: there was a man with a white cane, who I presume was blind, he was standing on a corner and seemed to be having a little trouble navigating his way to the road (it was raining, so maybe that made the surface more difficult to read), so I stood back trying to keep out of his way, very slowly edging my way around the corner, then when I hit the corner I nearly bumped into someone who, quite clearly, had been doing the same manoeuvring around the corner (we looked up, smiled warmly at each other and moved carefully on our way).
TAGS: manners, people, bump, shuffleThe perky young woman paused mid-sentence in her rather loud mobile phone conversation about insurance quotes, feeling that something very unpleasant and, indeed, sharp was about to happen to her.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, manners, just not cricket, unpleasant, sharp, mobile phones“While I would agree with you that berating other passengers and behaving in a generally abusive and irritating manner certainly does not warrant such a violent response on my part”, said Miss Jane as she paused to wipe the lumps from her bat, “I would have to say that it is unfortunate for you that I am not generally considered to be a reasonable person in these matters.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, commuting, manners, lumps, unreasonable“Sir, the gentlemen have pulled up the wickets and thrown them everywhere, and perhaps even worse, are now refusing to take tea in the rose garden.”
TAGS: manners, gentlemen, croquet, servant, tea, wicketsMiss Jane found she needed, rather impolitely, to raise her voice to be heard by the woman dangling outside the open doors, “I think it is just possible you may not be aware that at 6.30 in the morning many of your fellow commuters prefer to sleep a little, rather than listen to your raucous, vulgar and, above all, loud commentary,” and as she rattled the woman slightly, she added “so, may I drop you off somewhere?”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, commuting, manners, danglingAs the gentleman in front of him removed his hat fully, Mr. Entwhistle knew that matters were about to be ‘on’.
TAGS: hats, manners, gentlemen, incidentsAs Miss Jane neatly pressed closed each little labeled plastic bag, she continued her polite explanation to the lady still lying partly on the floor, “…and, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned already, not only was that conversation highly inappropriate for a workplace, it is certainly not even an appropriate conversation for anywhere other than one’s own home… oh, dear, I appear to have dropped blood on your shoe.”
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, blood, manners, extraneous, inutileAfter a brief hiatus from her one true path, Miss Jane, in response to the statement “why don’t ya just get fucked, sweethea..” delivers her rage with a disturbing assortment of knives, mallets and, as always, polite, if bloody, mannerisms.
TAGS: Miss Jane, polite violence, manners, calling, knives, malletsGiraffes should never wear short skirts.
TAGS: giraffes, manners, unbecoming, short-skirtsAs Miss Jane crossed the very busy highway via the pedestrian crossing, she found she had to pause three times, once to attend to an 80 year old who was screaming into his mobile phone as he ignored the people, oncoming trams and cars around him, a second time to deal with a man in his forties who was standing in the middle of the road wondering how to turn on his phone, and a third time to deftly put aside a teenager who was dragging a hand-truck full of water bottles and simultaneously text-messaging on his mobile phone.
[Breaking News: Police are yet to uncover the identity of the woman involved in the incident that the media have dubbed Manners, Mobiles and Mayhem.]
If I’m reading a book you can certainly take this to mean “please leave me alone, I’m happy in my world of words” and definitely not to mean “ah, yes, I’m only holding this book in front of me as an easy way for you to introduce yourself and start up a happy little chat with ‘good book is it?’”
TAGS: commuting, manners, reading