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Lawyer

One of my office manager’s coffee cups delivers the following advice:  “If it rings, put it on hold; if it clanks, call the repairman; if it whistles, ignore it; if it’s a friend, take a break; if it’s a boss, look busy; if it talks, take notes; if it’s handwritten, type it; if it’s typed, copy it; if it’s copied, file it; if it’s Friday, forget it,” her other cup simply inspires with the words, “My lawyer can beat up your lawyer.”

    TAGS:  work, coffee, advice, lawyer


The idea of becoming a lawyer had occurred to him first as a form of rebuttal to his friend’s opinion that the nearest thing to a lawyer is a privateer; gradually he was seduced by the idea.*

* This sentence slightly modified from the original.

    TAGS:  lawyer, privateer, rebuttal


“If you say, ‘It’s only a test’ one more time, I’m definitely going to jump,” the future lawyer told the negotiator as she edged further out on the high ledge.

    TAGS:  desperation, lawyer, negotiator, test, jump, ledge


“It’s only a test,” taunted the negotiator, “besides, what’s one lawyer more or less,” knowing full well that the fire department had already positioned the catch-net and loving this part of her job best.

    TAGS:  work, lawyer, negotiator, test, fire department


ever early to the party, i wish we’d hear from the burfday lawyer!

    TAGS:  lawyer


Sometimes I wish people would just be nice to each other, but then I remember that my entire professional career exists because so many people are mean, greedy, and/or stupid.

    TAGS:  career, lawyer


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