1 NOW when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,
2 Saying, Where is he that carried he who was born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him, and the baby too, of course.
TAGS: donkey, jesus, sacrilege, bible, worshipI’d’ve thought y’all would’ve agreed it’s Jason’s sister’s friend’s aunt’s dog’s fleas’ friend ‘mouse’s apostrophe use that’s made the baby Jesus cry.
TAGS: crying, jesus, apostrophicationApparently, ‘the power of Christ compels you’ is not a valid reason for my boss to give me a raise.
TAGS: work, baby, footwear, jesus
You may have your own Personal Jesus, but I have to share Jesus the one-eyed superjanitor with the rest of the people in my office building.
TAGS: work, jesusIt should come as no surprise that dogs often find it extra hard to accept Jesus as their personal savior while attending Cat Church.
TAGS: dogs, jesus, cat churchOne of the basic lessons of Cat Church is that temptation comes in many guises, and that is why you will always find a Jesus hanging on a carpet-covered scratching post cross behind the pulpit.
TAGS: jesus, cat church, pulpit, temptationJesus explained to Pat Robertson that the reason he didn’t come to the door or answer the phone on Fridays was because it was shabbos, but Robertson found himself nonplussed and reminded his Lord and Savior that Sunday was actually “his day, and Jesus found himself, for the umpteenth time, gently reminding Robertson that he was Jewish and not Christian therefore the Sabbath fell at sundown Friday evening and when Robertson started to protest, Jesus just smiled sagely and said, “Shabbot Shalom” and walked away quickly before the televangelist could say more.
TAGS: jesus, pat robertson, sabbath observancesJesus’ learned patience each morning when he stepped out onto his wet lawn to retrieve the soggy newspaper that his carrier flung haphazardly as he rushed through his route.
TAGS: jesus, patience, newspaper deliveryWhen my daughter was seven she asked me what Jesus tasted like - she was preparing for her first communion - and I wasn’t sure exactly how to answer until it dawned on me she was horrified by the whole “body and blood” element, and so I just responded, ”like chicken, sweetheart, just like chicken,” but years later I wished I had become a Unitarian before scaring the holy bejeezus out of her (bad pun intended) and turned her into a vegan.
TAGS: chicken, jesus, 1st communion, transubstantiation, unitarianismDown the middle…Jesus saves - he shoots - he scores, and the crowd goes wild!
TAGS: jesus, haloI would look for Jesus but at the moment I still can’t find Waldo!
TAGS: jesus, bumper stickers, waldo