Time is one of the more vexing of the inventions, second only to grammar and its famous cousin, fascism.
TAGS: time, inventions, grammar, cousins, fascismThe week rolls around much too fast, affirming my belief that calendars are a bad invention.
TAGS: time, inventions, calendarsOne of Eli Whitney’s earliest inventions, the zombine, a horse-drawn, combine-type machine capable of finding and killing zombies, quickly became obsolete due to its history of frequent breakdowns while in service—i.e., the zombies kept eating the horses.
TAGS: horses, inventions, zombies, zombine, eli whitneyScientists recently discovered many of the chemical bonds found in concrete to also be present in humans, leading speculation in the pharmaceutical industry to the future availability of the so-called “anti-stubborn” pill; Dr. Mengli Bhottwano, lead scientist for the ChemCow team working on the project was quick to point out that a solution is still many years away, adding, “Despite all the testing on the Humacrete™ process, to date not one human has been successfully restructured into an attractive bird bath, although it should be noted that several quality human Buddhas have been created.”
TAGS: inventions, buddha, concrete, scientists, humacrete, pharmaceuticalsWhile the skin magnet was originally conceived primarily for military and correctional institution use, new fathers often found it quite useful to place a small one on the underside of their baby’s changing table.
TAGS: baby, inventions, wacky ideas, magnet, father
Dr. Leo couldn’t believe he’d miscalculated the spin rate of his newly developed, personal bullet rocket, but Big Billy’s chaffed nipples clearly disproved the math.
TAGS: dr. leo, math, inventions, travel, nipples, Big Billy, rocket, chaffedRufus thinks that the shoelace is one of his favorite inventions of all time, but my friend Schuster tells him he’s wrong because he thinks most shoelaces are too short to make a very effective garrote, which he’s willing to prove if Rufus will hand him a shoe.
TAGS: schuster, Rufus & Schuster, rufus, inventions, murderous intentions, shoelaces, garroteA durable bungee chord for rectal thermometers to prevent accidental loss during exam.
TAGS: inventions, rectal thermometers, us patents