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I have fallen under the evil spell of ice cream.

    TAGS:  confessions, ice cream, evil spell

You’re not an idiot if you stand in front of a clothes dryer, pushing the button over and over, swearing at it for not working, and you’re not even an idiot if you finally look down and realize you haven’t closed the door; on the other hand, you are if you admit it.

    TAGS:  confessions, doors, idiots

Don’t worry if, before trying to retrieve your keyring from inside a mailbox, it doesn’t occur to you that you might become stuck, because you’ll have plenty of time to consider it after the fact.

    TAGS:  confessions, time, worry, regret, keys, mailbox, consideration

It’s not easy retrieving a toy from behind my seat while changing lanes in front of a driver who is wandering all over the road, but I’m willing to try anything to get my daughter to stop screaming, and I’m certain the world agrees.

    TAGS:  confessions, children, daughter, driving, self-righteous, indignation, toys

I’ve noticed that most of the stupidest things I’ve done in my life involve chainsaws and ladders.

    TAGS:  confessions, ladders, chainsaws, stupid

“I’ve never eaten a mango.” [Keith]

    TAGS:  fruit, mangoes, confessions

I wear lots of brown clothes, because I am very clumsy with coffee.

    TAGS:  coffee, confessions, fashion, accident prone

I eat girl snacks.

    TAGS:  food, confessions, china, snacks

It turns out you shouldn’t mess around with India ink while typing.

    TAGS:  advice, confessions, accident prone

Rufus confided to Julia that a lot of trustworthy people had big teeth, he just didn’t happen to be one of them.

    TAGS:  rufus, confessions, teeth, big, trust

It might just be that it’s a holiday best spent a thousand miles away from any blood relative.

    TAGS:  confessions, holidays, thanksgiving, if only

I always feel so horrible when I win the wishbone pull that I actually try my best to rig it so the other person wins.

    TAGS:  turkeys, confessions, wishbone