I thought about it before I hit the delete key, I really did, promise, because the delete key is death for those of us without any resurrection powers, and I don’t take anything lightly, especially deleting another person’s Scrine entry, and certainly not our friendship, and certainly, beyond reason, really, any concept of resurrection at all, but that’s way off topic and I don’t want that to happen, not when all I’m trying to say is that I thought I knew what the problem was when really I didn’t know at all, which I should have known all along because I know about as much about html and css as I do about what makes a giraffe’s neck work, which isn’t much, although I suspect it’s kind of like this apology, some sort of combination involving muscles and gravity, the idea that hitting the delete key on a friend’s Scrine entry is like an unchewed apple three-fourths the way down a giraffe’s neck - it’s not coming back, no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.
TAGS: animals, gravity, giraffeBut the inconvenience of having a rare miniature condor nest in his hair didn’t annoy Harold half as much as the shocking number of hunters with no regard whatsoever for the bird’s status as an endangered species.
TAGS: birds, animals, 1st sentence, condors, species, endangered, huntingCats must be humiliated almost constantly or they will take on airs.
TAGS: animals, cats, psychology, humiliationFor those who wish to alleviate suffering less expediently, invert the body from the bars of a jungle gym or swingset, and allow six to eight hours for gravity to remove the affixed octopus from the face.
TAGS: animals, octopus, face, gravity, invert, sufferingThere’s nothing funny about a crack shot pigeon with a sense of humor.
TAGS: animals, pigeon, feces, sniper
Little is known about the vegan dinosaurs, other then they were fast runners with low self-esteem.
TAGS: animals, dinosaur, vegan, self-esteemSome historians claim that the turning point of the insurrection was the discovery that the wallabies had infiltrated the Internet.
TAGS: animals, anarchy, history, discoveryYet another day was ruined because of the duck’s stubborn refusal to stop quacking down the chimney.
TAGS: birds, animals, ducks, chimney, quack, stubbornessWhen Nola told the ducks they could move in until after the bird flu epidemic had passed, she had no way of knowing just how much time they would spend in the bathroom.
TAGS: animals, ducks, roommates, epidemic, bathrooms“I thought you’d be more loving,” Timmy told the turtle as he dropped it into the lake.
TAGS: animals, love, turtle, timmy, disappointment, pets, lakeThe rule was simple: don’t become attached to food animals—so Sophie the milk goat, Thomas Jefferson, the adopted orphan baby deer, Thumper the stud rabbit and Ocho, the calf born on 8/8 were all safe—the same could not be said of the goat named 4th of July BBQ, the steer named Ribeye, the piglet named Bacon and the innumerable rabbits named Hossenpfeffer.
TAGS: animals, deer, bacon, milk, thomas jefferson, goatSure you can kill a bear then gut it out and climb inside the body cavity to survive the extreme cold, and maybe then, after all that work and trouble, you’ll remember - never forget the tent!
TAGS: animals, bears, advice, nature, pna series, survival, tentWolves are one of nature’s most superstitious predators, and can be easily driven away with a flurry of energetic movements that wolves interpret as extremely unlucky; unfortunately for humans out enjoying nature who find themselves confronted by wolves, these “unlucky movements” have not yet been perfected, and flight is the best (although still highly unsuccessful) option.
TAGS: animals, advice, nature, pna series, predators, wolves, superstitionsSneaking up on an egret is always tough work, and it will take a diligent nature enthusiast many attempts before he has plucked enough feathers for a decent hat.
TAGS: animals, hats, advice, feathers, ridiculous encounters, nature, pna series, diligence, egretSkunks are like angry mother-in-laws and should always be given a wide berth.
TAGS: animals, advice, nature, pna series, mother-in-laws, skunksIt may seem funny at the time, but never let stray raccoons play with the matches.
TAGS: animals, advice, raccoons, nature, pna series, matchesUnder advice of in-house counsel, Scrine has removed the word “stray” and certain other portions of the original “Raccoons & Matches” PNA series sentence, which now offically reads: Never let raccoons play with matches.
TAGS: animals, advice, raccoons, nature, pna seriesPercy didn’t want to fight, but it seemed to be the only way he was going to get his hands on Henry’s buffalo wig.
TAGS: Henry, animals, buffalo, fight, percy, covet, wigAs the multi-hued birds landed on the heads of the various wildebeests and giant mamals, the contents inside of the red, red rose started to shake and to shimmer.
TAGS: birds, animals, harlequin, wildebeests, red, shimmer, multi-hued, giant mammals, shake, roses“And let us remember Kyle as a kind, gentle, and certainly simple soul, keeping in mind that he joined the Rescue Rangers out of compassion and concern for the general welfare of all animals, and that his joining came immediately after viewing the Rangers’ training video, Baby Raccoons, Cute and Cuddly, although in hindsight, perhaps things would have turned out much differently if he’d begun his Rangers’ career with something that might have ended up saving his young life, and I speak here specifically about the Rangers’ video The Bear Cage: Why We Stay Out.”
TAGS: animals, bears, raccoons, compassion, rescue rangers