Make sure you stop in Davenport Iowa. They really love pot roast in Davenport and every year in July they have the Quad Cities Pot Roast Days. QCPRD is a 6 day celebration of all things Pot Roast and there are many booths set up along the river where you can sample all various ways that pot roast can be prepared. Although I do reccommend staying clear of the hippy booth where they have some tofurkey version of pot roast that looks and tastes more like rancid gellatin than a soy product whipped into a reasonable facsmile of pot roast.

It isn’t clear how the Quad Cities area of Iowa and Illinois became so enamored of pot roast but local legend says that it goes back to the days of the settlers. An early offshoot of the Mormon faith led by Moshe McNamara had crossed the perilous country side of Ohio and illinois to find themselves mired deep in the mud after a freak flash flood in what is now Devil’s Glen park in Bettendorf Iowa.  They were cold and hungry. Their meat had all gone rancid and there was no wild game to be found. Moshe dropped to his knees and began wailing and praying to the heavens as he tore his expensive London Fog and covered his body with the soggy ashes from a nearby campfire.

The Mormon God, who is known for his sense of humor as well as his compassion, heard Moshe’s prayer and was moved to pity. From the heavens a giant roasting pan 1/4 mile by 1/4 mile came hurling to the ground.  The shadow of the roasting pan loomed over the tiny camp of settlers and many of them started screaming and running. Some dropped to their knees and started babbling prayers while others just hugged themselves and rocked back and forth on their knees, drooling. Everyone thought it was the end of the world. Everyone except Moshe McNamara who realized their God had answered their prayers and managed to move out from under the roasting pan, avoiding being smooshed into a crater as it hit the ground. The roasting pan hit the ground with a gigantic boom and it kicked up so much dust and debris that it blocked out the sun for 17 days.

Afterwards when the debris cleared the Mormon settlers gathered around the giant roasting pan in awe.

Jebidiah O’Bannion scratched his bald head and remarked,"That was some huge bird!”

Xenia Warrior Princess said,"He really had to go. I wonder how long it was contstipated?”

Then she made that funny sounding scream - squeal that she does and does a martial arts style filp off her horse.

Moshe shook his head in exasperation and wondered how dumb these people really were. It was as if no one had ever seen pot roast before.

“It’s pot roast brethern,” He said,"Let us give thanks and feast.  Moshe then carved his intials in a inscribing the workd al-ablah ablah ablah blah blah, which means “we were hungry and he gave us one big ass pot roast.”

To this very day it is claimed that the giant roasting pan is still buried beneath the ground at Devils Glen park. This is also the reason why no one in the Quad Cities can find magnetic north or have an MRI.  A little history for you.

Todd, I will indeed convince Steve that we must stop in Davenport.  I am, after all, a Iowa farm boy myself, and, incidentally, happen to have once known a girl from Davenport.  History, girls, pot roast, hungry travelers - can the plot thicken any more than that?  I think not.

As far as Steve being well known in the outer circles of literary Hell, all I can say is - but of course.  You wouldn’t think I’d spend the summer driving around eating pot roast with just any old bum now, would you?

Wow!  Just wow!