Of late, my life seems to have been punctuated by men urinating publicly.
I played Glockenspiel for the high school marching band one year, but soon gave it up because the experience of being noticed was almost more than I could handle; whereas the flute is usually pummelled senseless by the brass and drums, and its breathy voice never actually reaches a listener’s ear, the silver ping of each glock note travels unobstructed, piercing every eardrum in a radius extending from the fifty-yard line clear out to the parking attendant.
The toes twitched and quivered, seeming to have a life of their own.
Becky looked at her suddenly dull and colourless feet in a happily confused manner, shrugged and danced the dance of the morning sun shower.
I’m a giant glue ball.
as he shoulders his admittedly featherweight rainbow burden acarapace, let us mark his progress well as he tracks ever southward in commission of his appointed down under tootsie rounds.
(photo thanks to mary tsao)
I have no option, I either clean the house or die a horrible OB* death.
*of embarrassment
I have no option, I either do some accounting or die a horrible OB* death.
officially bankrupt
Assuming not all can be paid, arrange the following past due financial obligations in their proper order of payment: Telephone (service shut off, Internet to soon follow), food for kids, gasoline, electric, auto loan (only one visit from repo man so far), 1-month past due 1st mortgage payment on house, alimony and child support, loan from parent, brakes for car (worn and grinding terribly), 2-month past due 2nd mortgage on house, auto insurance, cable television, dog & cat food, past due dog license.
The obedience classes were certainly expensive, but at least the duck now knows not to quack about politics at the dinner table.
The angel of financial mercy tells me that the wallet is a false god and should not be turned to in times of need, which I find easy to believe, considering my wallet’s emptiness.
If every little old woman who’d ever talked to me while we waited in line at the grocery store were my grandma, I’d have one heck of a lot of grandmas.
Once the individual accepts the fact that absolutely everything is a natural predator of sanity, understanding the financial struggle food chain is relatively simple.
It seems the only thing sanity eats is away, and I have such a very hard time getting away these days.
It’s a day to tame the wild estate grounds; send help if you don’t hear from me.
Mama said, “You better not be fishing for chickens, Sugar Mecklin, you going to get switched.”
perhaps nearly in chile,
having wearily set aside his diaphanous rainbow burden
if only for the briefest of moments
before plunging anew into the antipodean waves
he pauses,
for a carbo load.
There’s no one to play with, even the crows are still asleep.
One can get all of one’s shopping done without bumping into someone else’s cart.
Having recently played her niece’s edition of the Game of Life, Jody realized that although she didn’t really want her life to turn out like Sponge Bob’s (who wanted to be a fry cook at Krusty Krab’s?), she wouldn’t mind living in that Treedome for while.
The little collections of letters wandered in and out of the full stops, contentedly pecking and clucking at the inks and papers.
Even though finding comfortable shoes is almost impossible, I still like my new gecko feet.
These are the voyages of the Starship, StickyFeet.
Even though I like my new gecko feet, it’s just so hard to find a matching lizard-skin handbag.
“The Girls” decided to keep the man because he made excellent real margaritas and virgin strawberry daquaris.
refreshed,
rejuvenated,
replete, perhaps, with Antofagastan
delicacies he forgets himself to dally
amidst chilean bluebells;
o no, mr. snail, you must think
of your oath!
Little did the weary snail realise that the delicate blue flowers had a rather intoxicating effect and …whoooah, look it the pretty flowwwers…
When I find those people who sneakily place ‘baked beans in ham sauce’ amongst the regular tomato sauce version, I’ll be getting advice from Miss Jane.
As she fought her way into the inner sanctum, smoke and flames followed her into the room and, bathed in a glowing red haze, she readied her spiked baseball bat for the thwacking of its short, short life.
With reconciliation week just gone by, I’d like to tip my hat and bow in gratitude to the indigenous soldiers who fought for Australia and who, for the first year ever (since being sent off to the world wars), have been acknowledged on ANZAC Day - lest we forget.
To dibble (or dabble) in the affairs of man, as in I wish Peter’s goat would stop mandibling around.
I can’t fly, but I can swim.
I blame it on the beetroots.
Yesterday I got beer on the ceiling and a bit of eggshell caught in my eye.
Quit lollygagging!
You don’t hear much about the Goatman of Alcatraz, mostly on account of there being too darn many of them.
“I like this hat - it’s just the right size for my head, with room for thinking.”
I don’t care if only one of my eyes is bad, but you’re crazy if you think I’ll wear a monocle to school.
She really did walk into a door, and I only became aware of it after my query, “Are you okay?” in response to the loud thump went unanswered.
Thump! ::ominous silence::
Juan, hungry, noticed that “diet” and “die” share the same root word.
it’s a long trip after all
and i’m sure he’ll never do that again…
but do hoist again your multi-hued burden, mr. snail:
hie those feets downunder!
these things on my feet aren’t shoes; rather they are “aren’t not shoes”.
i adore political techno, and have just finished programming my latest ep, “al-gore-rhythms”
i think trees are angry
selecting a symbol from a hat was the only way he could refer to himself
is someone burning popcorn?
from the world of plastic shutters, from the world of the past: hello!
once the alps, always the alps.
serial killers have unlocked an ancient secret; the only manner in which to have power over a person is to be capable to make them into a thing, i.e., turn them into a corpse
mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy; goats eat everything
All flames eventually burn themselves out.
As inspired by: 'mouse's Root words 101
Ghastly, gaunt, emaciated and haggard, the cadaverous and skeletal entity was wasted, starved, and pitiful.
The weary snail rested overnight and, like all courier snails, found that his burden had begun to affect his dreams.
People are just so damned beautiful.
As inspired by: boot's goddammit
People are so damned grotesque, twisted and evil.
gertrude found herself perplexed and confused and wondered if things would make sense if she put all those crazy sentences together - or perhaps, if she took the first letter of each word in each sentence she’d discover the meaning of life.
She sat sullenly in her therapist’s office, staring at the carpet, wondering why she actually paid money to feel like this.
Secretly, Henry called them his Barbie girls, on account of how easily they lost their heads.
…I would invite a certain hubris-ridden law school at a certain hubris-ridden public university in a certain hubris-ridden giant East-Coast city to bite my shiny metal ass; alas, since I am not, I cannot.
“Um … Unitarians?” I asked(;) “No, square dancers,” they replied.
these mere skirmishes can’t derail our mr. snail, as he speeds along now as if nothing ever……
Say nothing, walk nowhere, and just keep it hidden deep in the darkened closet.
Owning a hedge trimmer and actually using it are two very different things.
Aoccdrnig to rsceearh at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are; the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteers be in the rghit pclae—the rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Who needs meth when you’ve got the Ramones?
o no!
the dreaded Antofagastan bluebell flashback!
whatever next?
“Butterflies are not insects they are self-propelled flowers.”
Within seconds of my pressing the camera shutter for this picture, before I even had a chance to upload it anywhere, Bunni announced that a field trip is in our immediate future.
I was navigating a telephone hold system and typing at the same time, and it took me a minute to figure out why when the phone asked me to “Push 1 to speak to a representative,” pushing 1 on the computer didn’t seem to help.
If there’s anything worse than a long, slow telephone hold that plays cheesy country-pop while you wait, it’s a long, slow telephone hold that plays cheesy country-pop while you wait with a signal that cuts out to static every second or so.
I was nearly full of resolve, but this morning I’m afraid I may have slept it all away.
Dammit I want to pee but the thought of dropping my pants in this cold unheated house leaves me jiggling about while trying to focus on things other than my bladder.
he got the name of the car wrong and no one let him live it down
alphabetizing my air collection seemed to leave me with more of a mess than i started with
After many years of scientific research Elisson perfected a device which functions both to keep out alien mind-control waves and also works as a stupid-filter which makes nearly everything the wearer says appear far less stupid than his/her audience expected.
Dreams dripped from the girls’ hair, racing towards the moon on wings of light.
Miss Jane and Becky, having heard about the boot-secret-bribery scandal waited at the scrine club house door - Becky with a hazy smile, a frog, a teacup and a yellow flower and Miss Jane with a scowl and a cricket bat.
Meanwhile, over at the clown college, Beepo and Shooter went over final details for the 21 Fun Salute.
There are approximately 10,000 restaurants in the Naked City, but apparently none of them are prepared to make me a dish of crunchy fried eggs in a nest of broiled eggplants.
Listening to the hopes and dreams of 80 graduating fifth graders is a good way to recharge the innocence of even the most callous adult.
Sure, it’s noisy, expensive and crowded with people with staggering senses of self-importance, but on the plus side, sometimes you run into interesting people at that burrito joint in midtown on your lunch hour.
She burst out the door wearing her new stupid filter, secure in the knowledge that only the smart stuff would permeate the mesh.
Sometimes iTunes random play is cruel.
“Yo Ho, Yo Ho, it’s the pirate’s life for me”
she waits,
ardently scanning the horizon for,
surely,
mr. snail and his devoutly wished, much anticipated, multi-hued rainbowed hosiery delivery is
just
over
there,
any minute now?
Artemus told everyone that he was a bean counter on account of the fact that his actual job involved counting lima beans but tended not to be as popular with the ladies as one might expect.
Once again, the yum-yum sister beat me to the mail box and once again she’s doing the yum-yum dance of joy - this time in nice warm hand knitted socks.
now it gets interesting: it ain’t just for breakfast anymore!
As the days passed, the villagers often found Emil standing at the music shop front window, staring in wistfully through the glass at his old glockenspiel.
Juan wondered, as two factions of butterflies in his stomach opened up on each other with AK-47s, just how he had gotten drafted to make a two hour presentation on California law to a visiting delagation of Chinese attorneys… in Chinese.
As inspired by: Keith's Glockenspiel Memories
here’s the new glock; same as the old glock?
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As inspired by: Keith's Glockenspiel Memories
I played Glockenspiel for the high school marching band one year, but soon gave it up because the experience of being noticed was almost more than I could handle; whereas the flute is usually pummelled senseless by the brass and drums, and its breathy voice never actually reaches a listener’s ear, the silver ping of each glock note travels unobstructed, piercing every eardrum in a radius extending from the fifty-yard line clear out to the parking attendant.
i am less than a grand short on the monthly nuts and so will need to dip slightly into equity to resolve cash flow until salary starts again in the fall; AND i am also, quite possibly, fallow at present; BUT, i just found a package that would put me in a french quarter dive for a full week for around $550, with the option for $25 daily car rental should that desire arise, plus the temptations that inevitably would arise; OR, i could rent a car here for a week for $150, feed it gas and take it to spend maybe $75 a night, plus temptations, at my regular garden district spot and not be locked-in to a schedule; OR, i could sit here, most likely not painting, probably buying things: DISCUSS.
She should have taken the fog making machine and a bugle with her.
The trouble with sleepwalking through life is that eventually you will wake up, you will want to have houseguests (like your peachy friend in Salt Lake City, headed east for a wedding), you will see the state in which all that sleepwalking through life has left your apartment, and the realization of just how much cleaning you’ll need to do to put it right will exhaust you all over again.
Juan felt quite depressed after reading the description of 96 cars and countless mourners attending the dynamic young woman’s funeral and realizing that he’d be lucky to draw two cars and more than a handful of mourners.
I knew there were long-term ramifications from the recovery of a migraine, but little did I expect that it might put at risk a (supposedly) beautiful and silly pair of socks.
As inspired by: boot's cost of migraine: one pair of socks
i believe so, tired snail;
i believe we are.
My my, little sanity cat, just look at the mess you’ve saved.
I find it very disturbing that I can use a wireless internet connection, connect through Skype and speak in real-time to someone in Singapore, all for free.
I keep running, but I can’t get away.