Sing a song…
The biggest sentence ever was so big that it ate the main branch library and three bookstores before choking on a printing press at the local newspaper.
If my bank account were a sock, you could see my foot through it.
Do everything you can to maintain the woodland silence, because only then will you be able to hear nature’s music.
...you download 238 messages from one of your mailing lists and they are all about the meaning of the word “uber”....and you are tempted to read them.
After being told it was his responsibility to “make the government happy,” Henry knew he was in serious trouble.
As inspired by: steve's threadbare
Like this country’s first transcontinental railroad, built literally upon the graves of the Chinemen who dropped dead at their work, the new dreams of this country will be built upon the bowed backs of the sock poor - those threadbare individuals, with their suffering hopes and unattainable dreams, being mercilessly bent to the will of an unsympathetic elite.
Herman was never sure if his time at the Shielding Oneironaut Academy was real or not.
Someone asked me to name my five favorite Beatles songs… it’s taken me a while, but I’ve whittled my list down to a good twenty-nine or so.
Try not to fall asleep with your arm pinned under your chest, because when you wake your chest will hurt and your arm will be numb and you will think it’s a heart attack and you will be scared.
Without the adventures and mishaps and occasional frights wrought by my own stupidity, my life would be remarkably dull.
Some would wonder if the wanderers of the night should be allowed out into the light or perhaps they would be better served by being locked away and the key lost forever .
Without a single thought of what his family and friends may think, Jerry unabashedly published his 40th birthday wish list consisting of mostly toys and video games.
It’s a sad day for a starving artist when his creativity bank matches his bank account.
Actually, thought ‘Mouse in a last burst before his self melted into the univeral, enlightenment does occur at 500, I wonder if Keith blinked and missed it - sad - maybe next time around.
When Sally leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, telling him that she could see his nimbus, floating there above his head, Jerry was thrilled, thinking that indeed everything that he’d imagined was true —that he was some sort of superhuman or saint, a supernatural being placed on Earth for a yet unrevealed higher calling— but when Sally stepped back and opened her umbrella, Jerry’s heart sank, realizing that his nimbus was nothing more than that dark rain cloud that had been hounding him for months.
Kiss me again, Mr. Darcy, quickly, before it is too late!
I imagine that those child-prodigy violinists always grip their toothbrushes with perfect bow position, as if they could wring a high E out of a twelve-year molar.
Whyyyyy didn’t you fold meeeeeeeeeee?
As inspired by: 'mouse's Duck
I was a bit disappointed to see that the sentence titled ‘duck’ wasn’t about ducks, nor was it about giants, nor even about skeletons or pirates, so I’ve made my own and we can now merrily continue babbling inanely about giant ducks or whatever else takes our fancy.
It may seem funny at the time, but never let stray raccoons play with the matches.
As inspired by: Keith's The PNA Series: Raccoons & Matches
Under advice of in-house counsel, Scrine has removed the word “stray” and certain other portions of the original “Raccoons & Matches” PNA series sentence, which now offically reads: Never let raccoons play with matches.
As inspired by: Keith's The PNA Series: Raccoons & Matches (official version)
Under further legal consideration, and due largely to the fact that tennis is played in matches and the fact that it is not PNA’s intention with this sentence to suggest that raccoons should in any manner be encouraged to take up tennis, which is not to say that raccoons could not, in fact, play tennis, nor should they in any manner be intimidated, discouraged, or prejudiced against when it comes to tennis, the “Raccoons & Matches” PNA sentence has been amended to read as follows: Always keep flammable materials away from raccoons.
They sat around the kitchen table, drinking cherry cokes and playing scrabble like they had done every night…their past transgressions had earned them an uncomfortable silence…grudges were forgotten, hate was set aside for another day and for the first time…they talked.
Although the magic had long since gone out of his marriage, Houdini knew he could always fall back on sleight of hand.
Before they let young, innocent students take up the oboe, they ought to make the little suckers sign release forms, indicating that they realize they will have to learn an entire hand craft in addition to musical knowledge and instrument-specific skill; that they will slave away for hours with thread, cane and a knife only to produce two grotesque Frankenreeds and massive hand cramping; that the good reeds, when they do exist, will only exist for a short period of time; that the bad reeds will spread their squawky disease to every other reed in the case; that the instrument itself will often break just out of spite; that they will never be able to lift the oboe to their mouth and know with complete confidence that anything other than strangled moans will come out; that they will hate the oboe with every cell of their body, yet experience emptiness without it.
Ill get out of your brain if you’ll get out of my body!
Henry’s doctor was eventually able to isolate a single bran flake incident from Henry’s childhood, although only a month later, Henry’s fear of milk slowly began to return.
once heralded, but now simply slipped in amongst us?
perhaps it should be scrinepost, or even scrinescribbler?
Alice wonders if other women in the middle of the night have begun to resent their Formica.
With a swift tap of his staff, the witch doctor exclaimed, “Boom boom chaka laka boom boom,” and forever changed the history of the way things used to be before gangsta rap was brought to the mainstream.
there are some movies that i can watch over and over and over again; while there are some that i avoid like the plague.
Shaking her head, Sharon couldn’t believe the odorous nature, almost equal to that of a Golgothan shit demon, that the local mayoral race had taken on in recent weeks.
water, water, everywhere and not a restroom in sight.
Walking towards the crowd, the chunk of wood in his hand, Jimmy had a sinking feeling that he was about to make the horrible mistake of taking a stick to a gun fight.
In the park I found a small plastic gold medal stamped WINNER! in big blocky letters, and it was almost as thrilling as the time I was #1 at the bagelry.
i’ve always babbled about how i cant stand contemporary (non-traditional) religious music but, holy moly great googlimoogli, has anybody here heard the angels that inhabit the chicago gospel Shekinah Glory Ministry?
I’d like to shave regularly, but the covenants of my laziness clearly prohibit it.
The toads came in standard two-by-two cover formation.
When I was sad, I wanted a firm yet gentle person of the male variety to hold my chin and look in my eyes and sigh, “She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” and then make a few calls and here’s John Lennon on my doorstep singing don’t you know it’s gonna be-eeee alright.
Super-fast sentence posting needs sound effects!
Faster than the speed of orange!
Quack, quack, quack.
(oh, someone help me)
Why, yes, it IS a handy dandy form for instant scrining!
squink of an eye
Just as Henry’s wife had predicted, the patent on his underwear folding machine was denied.
Numbers haunt me: I can only imagine the things I would remember…if I could only forget my childhood phone number, or my mother’s work phone from 35 years ago, or my high-school locker combination.
This is truly hopeless (she says as she hits the ‘kapow!’ button).
Scared that he may lose his place one spot out of the top ten, Robert hurredly knocked out some words using the onscreen keyboard of his pocket pc in hopes that a certain long, orange vegatable with a leafy, green top wasn’t hitting the “kapow!” button at the same instant.
Joanie confided that while she thought Spiderman was sexy as all get out, she still had concerns about him getting too excited and shooting his web prematurely.
The witch doctor had the mouths of the shrunken heads resewn when they started talking about porn and made a chorus of the cheap “chicka chicka bow wow, chicka chicka bow wow” that always played as background music.
I assure you, vegetables are quite harmless, although sometimes they do lurk (but in a very friendly way).
When it came to paying the bills or buying a new game console, Dave hadn’t considered the lack of ice cold beer to be a negative impact of not paying his bills.
How many cheesy essays could have been avoided if Thoreau had decided to donate, rather than suck, marrow?
Why is it so appealing to watch the two blonde Amazons, Uma and Darryl, kick the living crap out of each other in Kill Bill, Vol. 2?
The age of kings may have come and gone, but the age of queens is alive and kicking at the gay bar down the street.
He was a beauty.
A watched pot will, in fact, boil, but if watched too closely it will also scorch your eyeball with steam.
At 103 years old, Mr. Shilling was by far the oldest peeping tom Sergeant Rusher had ever arrested.
As inspired by: boot's crikey
Even the awesome, don’t-fuck-with-me goddess who put all those cool monsters (and sexy adventurers) in Australia is still subject to the One True Force that rules the universe: Irony.
If I don’t do it, no one else is going to do it for me.
“I’m 103 years old, Sergeant, and I’ve never peeped anyone before, not once, not even thought about it until tonight, and that’s when it occurred to me that I might be running out of time.”
Please
send me
the twelve steps
for getting you out
of my poor weary mind.
I never liked Prince very much, but he sounds damn good today cranked up to dangerous volumes on the headphones.
Hair shirts: now available in longsleeve and v-neck, $12.99, only at Old Navy.
Censorship is evil.
Blimey, I mean… crikey - he had a prang with a stinger, it chucked a spaz and he carked it but seriously mate, even though some people thought he was a bit of a drongo, he really was the bee’s knees when it came to conservation, telling yarns and keeping the Aussie lingo alive.
Whoever it was that first said: “Big boys don’t cry” obviously never lived long enough to get married, have kids, get divorced, and find out what a cold fucking world it really is out there.
For a limited time, holiday sneak peek at things to come, go here.
Drivers, start your engines because it’s time to mow.
In the words of the irrepressible Little Richard, “Mashed potatoes, gravy, and cranberry sauce… weeeehoooohooo!”
“I just don’t get it,” whined Tess on the phone, “I did everything right—I even pretended to like his dog!”
Thank you for calling Customer Care Services, while we have several agents available, we only have one phone to share between the whole department and we really don’t want to hear you complain.
Percy enjoyed a practical joke as much as the next person, but this time the girls had gone too far.
In spite of the dry, Nebraska nights, fish would jump into Percy’s bedroom nearly every single night, flopping around and keeping him awake, making him curse the day that he’d installed the porthole.
My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are not it.
When he looked up through his coke-bottle glasses at the pimply girl who had just stumbled into the room, love struck like a charley-horse.
Every time I come to scrine lately it’s different… for instance, it’s different now (17:34) than it was at 12 noonish today.
The trash mag questioned, ‘Is Johnny Depp going to be the next Tom Cruise?’ and I gasped in horror and cried ‘blasphemy!’ but it then went on to ask, ‘Is Tom Cruise going to be the next Kevin Costner?’ and, sadly, I found myself nodding.
When you think about it, you begin to realize that love is just another version of that silly children’s game, Duck, Duck, Goose!.
I put my pants on in the morning just like everyone else, assuming everyone else gets their foot stuck in a cuff and falls down.
Percy’s love of turtle soup was surpassed (sometimes) only by his love for the turtles themselves - a real conundrum.
Some dreams require no interpretation at all.
If you knew how often I pictured everything in cartoon form, you’d be frightened for me.
In this dream I sleep with all my ex-lovers, and a few new ones, and my wife doesn’t mind at all.
Thanks to the help of Joe Sharp and his dedicated team of tiger monkeys, the entire banana crop was saved.
Thanks to Scrine’s “Quick Post” feature, Henry was finally able to experience the thrill of writing with patented Stephen King Speed™, without actually having to pay for the seminar.
I feer thta teh knew quik-possting feeture wil hindar mye eddyting prossessssss.
True friends stab you in the front.
Percy’s strength passed like a Larking Building memory on a cool, Buffalo fall afternoon.
I swear, I’m gonna sue the next person who asks me if they can sue restaurant X or grocery store Y for a million dollars because they took a bite of some moldy bread.
I remember this story so well that my heart aches.
Percy hated putting Henry in check so early on, but someone had to teach the old man a lesson.
As young Rosie realised that the corners of her mouth had been turned up for some time, she realised she didn’t know why, but nor did she care.
… is all it takes to get me by
This sentence was much funnier in its original language.
I’m about to find out what fall is really supposed to be like, and to tell the truth I’m a little bit worried that a Northern fall may just be colder than a Southern winter.
Round, shiny and sugary ovals of happiness that bounce you merrily through your day.
Why 10 fingers and not 12 or 8 or 15 and a half?
As inspired by: mouse's need for inexplicable happiness
The little grey mouse felt his whiskers twitch unexpectedly and he smiled in an inexpickable way.