“Well, if we all get trapped in this lift I hope you have enough coffee to share around” said the jovial gentleman; to which Boot replied “I have sharp weapons in my bag and if you come near the coffee you’re all going down.”
Woe betide the tired old toad, whose ugly toes and bitter nose, behest me not to write of him, but instead wish for a frog with a grin.
Campaign in poetry, govern in prose.
have you ever said ‘thank you’ so many times in the space of one day that it morphs into ‘fuck you’ somewhere in your head, and on that very last time when your synapses have broken down, you find yourself unsure of which version has actually escaped your rebellious vocal chords?
With a swift tap of his staff, the witch doctor exclaimed, “Boom boom chaka laka boom boom,” and forever changed the history of the way things used to be before gangsta rap was brought to the mainstream.
“Yes, but they have immaculate water pressure.”
Bananas!
While updating myself on the efforts of the scrineathon, I managed to get the ‘No Dogs Allowed’ song stuck in my head from a charlie brown cartoon I saw a very long time ago.
“Every journal worth its weight in salt should have things taped into it,” she said sagely, nodding at each of the nineteen books that held the past eight years of her life, “but one must be cautious to only tape in flat, unobtrusive bits of history, so that future entries are not marred by bumpy reminders of the past.”
What if all the world is really just a badly drawn dollar store paint-by-numbers, and God is a colorblind 3-year-old with a dirty set of watercolors?
I asked Keith to look up his music list to see what he played in the effort to keep himself and Bakerina awake via Scrinecast in the final hours, and it got me thinking a little group input could likely result in a darn good playlist for late nights and sleepy Monday mornings.
Your IP address has been logged and your point of origin has been determined, stalking will commence forthwith.
As inspired by: Tracy Chapman
Say Hallelujah, throw up your hands The bucket is kicked the body is gone.
I sometimes wish I lived in a big city known for its unscrupulous, test-things-on-animals laboratories, so that when I walk into my bedroom exhausted and find cat vomit next to my pillow, I’d have a convenient way to express my emotions.
Having tolerated four straight years of a camera crew filming his every move, Ed finally lost patience with the whole thing when the television executives called to tell him that, rather than having his own prime time reality show like they’d promised, his life had been edited down to a made-for-television movie, which would air next Saturday afternoon, following a rerun of Murder, She Wrote.
you must put aside all unnecessary exercise, wrap a cold towel around your head and hold it in place with your baseball cap- this is a time tested just this side of cuba construction industry approved method.
“If you keep exploiting my body for your selfish gains,” he said to me with a glare, “how am I ever going to be able to make a living exploiting my body?”
With a gasp Linda gave her wide eyes, and with a polite ‘thank you’ Marla handed them back, explaining that she already had a perfectly functioning pair of her own.
There is no other explanation for the one green marble which suddenly materialized on the seat of my office chair at 4:13pm Wednesday afternoon.
Muriel had become one of those bitter-eyed older women in the grocery line who, when a gushing young thing is excitedly relating her honeymoon plans, shakes her head and says, in a voice just loud enough to be heard, “Ah yes, you never forget your first wedding.”
So there I sat, 4 hours into my work day, happily tapping away at my computer, reading scrine, shuffling paper around my desk when it hit me, no interruptions, no morons with idiotic questions, no issues requiring I drop everything and fix it immediately, was I redundant or I had simply closed my Outlook, now officially pissed off, I realise 90% of my work is reading emails.
I miss Boot.
As inspired by: e's yearning and an actual conversation
“Well, if we all get trapped in this lift I hope you have enough coffee to share around” said the jovial gentleman, and Miss Jane slid the long, sharp knife out of her handbag and grinned at the gentlemen as the visions of blood filled her eyes.
A young Miss Jane watched from under a desk as the angry, blood-splattered man sprayed bullets into the air and yelled “I told you when I finally lost it, that you would be the first to go!”
Becky squealed and protested, throwing giant tunas, wobbling jellies, miniscule minuets, and a laughing lollypop at the woman’s head, burbling “not ready… not leaving… not yet…”.
As inspired by: too much fun with german words
The three blind mice navigated their way around the city’s alleys as easily as could be, occasionally stopping to remove their bipping, whirring helmets so that they could nibble a piece of cheese.
you will be tormented and agonize endlessly over a man who may or may not love you.
You will discover Beauty and Truth in a fortune cookie, just not this one.
You will die in a pool of your own blood.
As inspired by: Skyte's Fortune
You will dye in a pool of your own blood.
You will develop a taste for alligator skin boots.
Your mother knows what is in your sock drawer.
the enormous brief you’ve been preparing with 14 exhibits (composed of various pages of depositions and other documents) will be edited by the attorney at the last minute (after you’ve labeled and scanned in copies of everything individually for e-filing) and become 15 entirely different exhibits, referencing different line and page numbers of other depositions or documents not previously prepared as exhibits.
Bravery will shine unexpectedly.
You will find good chocolate bars on sale at the drugstore, buy several of them and then eat them all in one sitting, greatly improving your outlook on life.
you will find the meaning of life slightly to the left of where you thought you’d misplaced it.
In the game of Survivor: Oregon, you will outwit, outplay and outlast the thieving meth-heads, the bloodsucking mortgage company and all the other challenges that are thrown your way.
You will become addicted to Scrine.
You will harass Australians into baking biscuits.
All your friends will run around in circles and then crash into a sticky, gooey mess, out of which will emerge a single dove with a logo in its beak; it will fly away from you.
You will overcome all obstacles and bake biscuits this weekend.
You will meet Miss Jane and it will not be nice.
You will make up an inane sentence as quickly as possible in the vague hope that you will get a fortune with an 8 in it.
You will be hungry again in about an hour.
You will be very thirsty in two hours time.
A small but very beautiful event will occur that will forever change your life.
Hearing the dirt as it began to hit the lid, Henry realized that maybe he should have gone with his first impression and not climbed into the empty coffin, no matter how much the other boys taunted him.
You will have the Best Dream Ever, but will be unable to share it with your friends on the Internet due to the one-period rule on Scrine and also due the fact that you recall at the last minute that discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to protecting the guilty parties.
As inspired by: fortune (late to the game)
You will find yourself completely embarrassed in ‘mouse’s dream, trying as hard as you can to look away without succcess.
Wise man say: The early bird gets the worm; the early weasel gets the nice plump early bird.
will end up the woman of your nightmares.
You will find yourself on a date with Kathy.
Many cats are sacrificed for a meal enjoyed.
Your life is not bad as it may seem; as the zombies will soon come to eat upon your flesh.
As inspired by: Coyote's Kathy, whom I hope to never meet in a darkened cubicle
Gertrude could feel Harvey-The-Mouth-Breather staring at her back from his cubicle across the row and wondered: should she put the slow-acting poison she had hidden in her handbag in the office water cooler now, or wait until after lunch?
Lucy and Becky handstanded their way down the meandering cloud-path, Becky turning Lucy into a miasma of different beasts, including the amazing Shimmering-She-Beast-of-Honey-Yoghurt.
Dumbfounded by Nancy’s sudden change of mood, Sluggo’s voice bubble went empty.
You will be forced to guess a woman’s age.
Upon reading this fortune, it will suddenly, as if by magic, occur to Boot that URL titles are only random if you let them be random.
Your leg will drop off.
Your hard drive will never be big enough.
you will lose the thread and it will be gone for quite some time.
You will need a haircut, badly.
Your Cadbury cravings will expand until your body can no longer contain them, at which point they will declare independence and form the Reupublic of Flake.
Tending to the King’s reeking beasts of legend was not quite the job Henry had had in mind when he’d first approached the castle begging for work, but like he told the wife, it paid the bills and besides, it was the middle ages for crying out loud - everyone stunk.
The sky will turn purple and green, whilst you will turn into a small, beebling potato.
You will win the “Most Unlucky Person of the Year” award - then you will lose it.
I used the word beebling a sentence or two ago and just now wondered where it came from, I turned to Google and eezblog is prominent among the results and then I turned to Wikipedia and Scwiki and neither had of them had heard of it…
Having gone on and on about bones so much over the last couple of years, do you think I might be on someone’s suspect list, now that someone actually found human bones only a half a mile from my house.
You will live your life like you wash your car, choosing automated drive-through, but dreaming of bikini-clad.
You will feel obligated to follow the norm…but for gods sake don’t!
Your heart won’t ache but your ankle will.
you will drive everyone you know away from you with your desire to stay true to yourself, thereby ending up lonely again.
rounding the corner, Robert could just make out the stark but welcoming silouette of that fabulous rusty-colored bird.
As inspired by: Up Against The Wall
She was one in a million - so there’s five more just in New South Wales.
I almost bought a young female cello player at the auction for $50, but somehow ended up with the overweight magician, who informed me on the drive home that he enjoyed playing pinochle in the nude.
If you come over and mow my lawn and do the dishes, I’ll give you a million dollars.
Cripes, I didn’t know you meant that kind of busy.
You will burn the microwave popcorn, every time, until you vow never to make it again, ever.
Your manager will say the same thing to you so many times that you will cease to understand what she says and you will only only ever hear “honk, honk, honk”.
A pair of busy goggles will fall on your head and you won’t be able to remove them.
You will get wrinkles.
You will be missing a boot, but it will turn up.
You will join a quirky and lovable community of linguaphiles, who will adopt you as their own and make you feel welcome and loved.
You will spend your entire life avoiding banana peels, but die the ironically tragic, yet somehow comedic, death by falling piano.
i wiped the build-up of persperation from my brow after the realization that i had not deleted my random sentence file but had merely moved it to a more secure portion of my pocket computer’s memory.
Shirley’s look of disgust was quite evident when her date suggested that she “pat him on da po po”.
the one comment you should never hear at mime school is “Now you’re talkin’!”
remember when as a kid you first realized that the more liquid you drank meant the more you had to go pee and there wasn’t a restroom available and not a tree in sight?
Like the flyer states, I always believed that the true beauty of Pong was in its “Low Key Cabinet, Suitable for Sophisticated Locations.”
if you have no place to turn, and the words begin to burn, you’re in the right place; if you’ve lost your taste for politics and have no nerve for news, hang with us for just a bit and we promise that you’ll be amused.
Should you choose to accept this fortune: Meet your designated contact by Pier 42 tonight by the docks by 9:57PM sharp to receive further instructions, he will have a black, unmarked, leather briefcase handcuffed to his left wrist; this fortune will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
You will work your ass off.
this is the car, 
the so-called point of impact on the car that they are claiming is totalled, for which they are suing me in excess of $15,000 also claiming, among other things, “disfigurement and scarring,” which my insurance company tells me not to worry about; riiiight.
… when the auditors of the world spend their time trying to squeeze beetjuice out of Keith and Goliard.
At the moment when you are bursting with the desire to say “I love you,” you will come down with a spectacularly ill-timed case of laryngitis.
just take it to the bird, where the resident rodent/counsel will immediately make you feel all better, or as close to it as is possible presently.
You might think that you just look dead and wrinkled, unfortunately you actually are dead (and wrinkled).
“It is during difficult times that true friends become apparent.”
A piano will fall on your head, but oh wait, having read this fortune will keep you from not seeing it first.
You will choke on this piece of paper.
if you let your husband go golfing, he will let you go blogging.