Our holidays each have a color, oppressively enough.
One nice thing about a bit of time alone in your home is the ability to sing noisily and out of tune whenever the mood takes you.
Come out and drive the tractor, the bird chirped through the window, and so I did.
i can’t even really complain about my lousy day since, when i did slice my finger on the paper cutter, apparently i didn’t hit anything bad and i was able to grab it before either it bled too much OR the kids saw it, and got it bound up with multiple bandaids well enough to drive home where the antibiotics—which we don’t even have at school since, apparently, because the nurse is prohibited from ever putting same on the kids, it’s verboten— were, on which trip, when i hit a pothole and my tire later shredded on I4, i was able to pull over behind a towtruck already in service there and plead for him to call my own roadside assistance since my pay-as-you-go emergency car phone hasn’t been working for weeks because i haven’t been able to figure out why it isn’t topping itself up properly and so now when i need it i haven’t got it, but then a DOT “road ranger” happened along and, as the rain that earlier had spoiled the kids’ “walkathon” friday had stopped and it was now a beautiful sunny afternoon, changed my tire into the donut for me before my own paid-for emergency assistance ever arrived anyway and so really i was only an hour late beginning spring break; are we there yet?
It was high time she stopped feeding that bear.
Greffel kept the spare heads on a stone shelf in the back of the cave, next to the clock.
I prefer to sleep alone.
I will not be attending the Beasley School of Law at Temple University in the fall.
Congrats on 500—you’re halfway to enlightenment… or something.
Julius decided he would not rest until he’d collected 500GB of good music, which he estimated would give him exactly 365 days of 24-hour-a-day music with no repeats.
I suppose it’s illegal to place a yellow page ad claiming to be an assassin for hire, but what if I advertised a slightly less illegal business, like the Will Speed For You Company, or Goose Hunting Out Of Season Guide Service, or even White Shoes Before Easter Escort Service.
It was a familiar and comforting sight to the people of the city to see her riding her trusty unicycle with her family, each one on his or her own pair of stilts or bouncy boots.
This town is made of cement and tortillas.
As Bob stared worriedly at the flames licking up towards the edge of the precipice, Henry showed up with a couple of weiners and two sticks, one of which he proffered to Bob.
My cold hands struggling with the belts, face down in the frosty gravel as I try to see what I’m doing beneath the deck of the machine, my perfect world this morning obviously includes a dirty but practical work coat.
Watching the sun rise on a gentle spring morning with James Bla Pahinui singing in the background is about as close to perfection as it gets.
The houses of the single women I know are like tiny, delicately round speckled eggs.
Juan hesitated, bit his lip and added “ride a camel and sleep under the stars in a camel’s desert,” to his things-to-do-before-I-die list, wondering how the heck he was ever going to shed his suit and his responsibilities and actually do it.
She was haunted by the ghosts of all the barnyard animals, but that haunting was a vast improvement over the ghostly grains and legumes who used to gather by the side of the bed and moan plaintively, before she opted for a carnivorous lifestyle.
When you put this collar on me, and I entered this life of servitude, I didn’t say a word about it, because I loved you; but this, this vegan dog food - well, if you’d ever bothered to taste it, you’d understand why I’m going to have to put you down now.
While Herbert fed most of his victims to his pigs, he did have a soft spot for vegetarians, which he buried alive in his garden, claiming that the struggling encouraged nightcrawler activity, which was good for the tomatoes.
Remember when you said of your cousin a couple years ago (with a mouth full of porkchop), “If I ever go through one of those obnoxious teenager, ‘I’m a vegetarian’ phases, to whack me upside the head with a slab of red meat,” well, this is that time.
“Okay then, I’m going to be a vegetarian, except for pepperoni - and bacon - and steak - and, well… pork ‘cuz I love pork, and… chicken and tuna, oh, and salmon - I’ll be a vegetarian for all the other fish though, and rabbits, I won’t eat rabbits, no way, ick.”
“But daa-ad, cows aren’t cute—except baby calves, of course.. .”
“But daddy, I didn’t kill the cow that gave us the rib-eye steaks!”
“I’m a killer!” bawled Elizabeth as she contemplated the bowl of dead tadpoles she’d left out in the hot sun.
Unfortunately for Monica, the nursing staff found fart jokes intensely amusing.
Kittyboy- in his very best flying squirrel psycho ninja form-thoroughly showed my big toe who’s the boss, as the offending digit had the audacity to twitch at four AM.
A noisy restaurant is the hobgoblin of little minds and the gob hucking of little hands.
Take it from a landscaper who’s planted trees that homeowners didn’t like but decided not to tell me until eight years later—resentment easily outgrows a tree.
The ingredients for a head of full of warm, gentle and tactile memories lay safely in her grandmother’s cupboard.
As she closed in on 500, she despaired of ever kicking her Scrine habit.