Gingrich/Palin 2012: If we look up we can see the moon from our back porch.
After a violent whipping, the cook placed the scrambled eggs in the pan, completely disregarding the fact that he’d allowed his participle to dangle free and untamed like a raging metaphor that makes no sense.
Winter is soooooo last decade.
Today in my pocket I found a hundred-year-old buffalo nickel and I was excited to learn it is worth between $0.05 and $0.15.
Next time I travel interstate, I am definitely going to have to buy a packet of Ginger Nuts and try the difference for myself.
Inside the box, the walls were coated with stripes of youth, and looking at them was a girl that sang, just because she could.
Juan tried to keep his typewriter fetish a secret, but when he saw this and it says there’s only one known in existence he had to share with his friends so they would be sure to put it on his Christmas list.
As inspired by: littledevilworks's Political theme songs
You’re a mean one, Mr. Gingrich.
Who put the Rom in the Romney-lama-ding-dong
The Internet police were knocking on doors, cracking down as they inexplicably created the history of new glory days.
After the storms, the pig-tailed girl watched as the shining bud began to unfurl.
The Chief couldn’t help but think that it’d been fun chasing the pervert through the dark.
After the chase, the confrontation, the questioning and the call to the police, the Chief returned to his apartment, trusty flashlight in hand, pondering the peeper’s awkward lies and the absurdity of his apology, “I’m sorry I ran from you.”
I find it hard to manage misogyny before coffee.
As inspired by: Keith's Magellan’s True North
Tammy didn’t know how directionally challenged she was until a well-intentioned friend gifted her with a copy of the 21st century version of the Kama Sutra which included additional sections dedicated to the global positioning system.
It was a rather unusual sex dream, involving a drunk Magellan whispering something into a barmaid’s ear about a bedroom game he called Compass & Map.
Since I live in earthquake country my top shelf is on the bottom shelf.
My Latin professor told me that the only problem he has with homosexuality is that you’re mixing a Greek suffix with a Latin root.
Cracks appeared in the fabric of space-time… or at least in the walls of the building and the tile floors.
You, fuzzied from drink, believed in a sadness who needed to leave.
Whenever I get to feeling I’ve had a bad day I pour myself some Knob Creek and remind myself that I didn’t kill anyone nor sink a $500,000,000 ship today.
I’m really tired of people being mean to each other.
I need to get a little bit more tinfoil joy in my day.
As inspired by: littledevilworks's History
Pee-ers never prosper.
History is written by those who don’t pee themselves.
You might be facing a huge task, but we can all find little joys along the way to make it all the more bearable.
After all these millennia, how is it that death is still news?
Henry loved wrestling the cappuccino monkey every morning.
The hermit argued with himself long into the night whether his symbiotic relationship with his hut was ectosymbiosis, since he did spend a great deal of time sitting on its roof, or if it was indeed endosymbiosis, since he equally enjoyed the time spent inside the hut.
As the sentence is laid out before you, realise that you are building a bridge to the other person, and one that should stand the test of time.
What would it even mean if an amoeba suddenly yelled, “Pull yourself together, man!”?
It’s difficult to “damn the torpedoes” when you haven’t any.
The whole of your life can be reflected in one small cupboard.
Nothing like a 3-day avalanche training course to increase the frivolity quotient of snow.
“And if I ever get in a terrible car accident,” Henry told his doctor, “or a skiing accident or any kind of accident where I break all my bones, make sure you put me in rose colored body cast because I think it’d be kind of fun to tell people that the world looks better in a rose colored body cast.”
Spam Fail: ‘Mouse, do you know who looks at your facebook profile?
Juan found that if he put the handy towel he’d started carrying on advice of The Chief over his head, the world around him conveniently disappeared.
The purple sky that morning was only the first sign.
Juan had no choice but to break his vow not to whine about the weather to point out that his yard is dried-out dead and this winter’s precipitation-to-date is THREE PERCENT of normal
An allergy to nuts kept Lucy away from baked goods and a lucrative career in the adult film industry.
While Stuart laid no claim to the “bomp” in the “bomp-shoo-bomp-shoo-bomp” He’d go to the grave swearing the “ram” in the “rama-lama-ding-dong” was his idea.
Henry’s liar’s club never did take off because he couldn’t resist putting the wrong date and time for the meetings on the monthly flyer.